The Chatty Cat.

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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby Kismet » 08 Jul 2018, 22:51

'I'm sorry,' Gilbert apologised, 'but it felt like a bribe.'
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby Fairblue » 08 Jul 2018, 23:03

"No, no need to feel bally awful," Bertie apologised, "rotten timing on my part."
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby Kismet » 08 Jul 2018, 23:05

'We'll talk again once you've seen the Bishop,' Gilbert suggested.
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby Fairblue » 08 Jul 2018, 23:14

"Oh, absolutely, yes," Bertie said, "But first, I've got to see the new chappie."
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby Kismet » 09 Jul 2018, 11:31

The happy, clappy, new chappy was happy to show Bertie the book of ancient misdemeanours. He thought it was quaint. Bertie flipped through it with interest.
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby kylie_koyote » 09 Jul 2018, 16:33

“Oh!” He exclaimed. “I understand now why cousin Mabel loathed my second cousin’s wife, Mary Ellen. And also why nobody ever explained it to me and why they always changed the subject when I came into the room.”
"For goodness sake stop that Yankee drawl, or you'll have us all doing it before you've finished."
"OK baby - sorry - I mean, righto."
"That's better."
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby StoneRoad » 09 Jul 2018, 21:00

Bertie went back further in time as he delved into the book. It was interesting to read how the definition of misdemeanour had changed over the years. However, he still had to find details of one relevant to the complaints made by the cat council.
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby Kismet » 09 Jul 2018, 23:45

Meanwhile, in Manchester, there was a Cat Council Meeting (Northern Division). A violin-playing busker was disturbing the cats. They had overheard him described as 'caterwauling' which sounded like an insult to cats, and more importantly, that he was playing on catgut strings. What action did they need to take?
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby Fairblue » 09 Jul 2018, 23:48

They made their decision and informed the Cat Council. He would have to go.
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby Kismet » 09 Jul 2018, 23:54

'Perverted killer sought' screamed the headlines. 'Local musician murdered and intestines used as instrument!'
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby Fairblue » 09 Jul 2018, 23:57

It was, however, with great difficulty that the Senior Feline managed to make the younger members understand that Kitty litter was not made from Kittens.
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby Kismet » 10 Jul 2018, 00:05

'That's like saying a kitbag isn't made from kittens' a particularly vocal small black and white member pointed out.
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby Fairblue » 10 Jul 2018, 00:11

"It isn't," the senior Feline reported. "Go to the lab and ask for report 'KB, Khaki, analysis of' and you'll see I'm correct."
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby Kismet » 10 Jul 2018, 00:20

The agitator was heard to say he didn't believe the report. It was a cover up.
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby Fairblue » 10 Jul 2018, 00:24

The Senior Feline reached up and pulled on a piece of string. Immediately a large deluge of water fell onto the agitator.
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby Kismet » 10 Jul 2018, 00:27

'What a catastrophe that you didn't have the correct kit,' he remarked, watching the mewling, bedraggled figure in front of him.
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby Fairblue » 10 Jul 2018, 09:12

"You've heard of drowned rats?" He carried on, in a low silky voice full of menace. "Next time it will be drowned cat."
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby Kismet » 11 Jul 2018, 00:02

The small black and white cat stalked away, dignity in tatters. The senior feline sighed and looked for any other signs of rebellion in the ranks.
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby Fairblue » 11 Jul 2018, 00:11

There was none.

"Right," said the Senior Feline, "London asked for this and we had to deliver.Any more transgressions to report?"
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby Kismet » 11 Jul 2018, 00:26

A few long words had to be explained to the younger cats: catheterisation, catalepsy, catachrestical and so on
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby Fairblue » 11 Jul 2018, 00:36

"But none of those has anything to do with cats," one of the younger Ginger toms pointed out.
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby Kismet » 11 Jul 2018, 00:48

'Well, they should do,' replied a young tortoiseshell cat. 'They begin with 'cat' so they ought to be something to do with us.It's cultural appropriation, that's what it is.'
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby Fairblue » 11 Jul 2018, 09:24

"Yeah, perhaps we can sue," another cat suggested.
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby Kismet » 12 Jul 2018, 00:16

'Is there a formal proposal here?' the Senior Feline asked in her silkiest voice?
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby Fairblue » 12 Jul 2018, 00:26

The members went into a little huddle. The young toroiseshell insisted it was their right. Another, a rather disreputable looking stray with only one ear was a bit more cautious. Since had joined the local chapter he had had a roof over his head and food in his belly. He didn't want to jeopardise that in any way.
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby Kismet » 12 Jul 2018, 00:41

The young cats weren't very good at staying to the point, agreeing or being able to coherently say what damage had been done to them that they could sue for. The Senior Feline licked her paw and washed her face whilst she waited. Then she groomed the rest of herself whilst she waited.
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby StoneRoad » 12 Jul 2018, 09:19

Eventually, having groomed everything at least once, the Senior Feline interrupted the junior cats discussion to ask if they had made a decision - if not, perhaps they should form a sub-committee and carry on there - as She wished to continue with the main meeting's agenda. The junior cats decided to take the sub-committee route. The main meeting then moved on, to the man with the eye-glass.
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby Fairblue » 12 Jul 2018, 09:44

"He's in London," someone said. "What can we deliver from here?What's it to so with us? "
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby Kismet » 13 Jul 2018, 00:08

'He moves about the country,' Senior Feline sighed. 'There is an airport here and he visits airports. Therefore we must be prepared for him to visit us.'
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: The Chatty Cat.

Postby Fairblue » 13 Jul 2018, 00:15

"Suppose we doesn't?"
The Decision to Survive - A good pilot is both born and made. The best would look upon his work as a combination of adventure and a serious mission. – Major General Sir Frederick Sykes
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